I know it’s been nearly six months since I last posted.

I was in a cult, you guys.

Instead of telling you all about my cult experience in this first post, I think I’ll parcel out tidbits mysteriously over the few years or so, like they do on “Lost”. You’ll hate me but you’ll be addicted, which is totally fine by me.

Unfortunately, one of the tentpoles of the cult’s beliefs was that consumerism was evil. I got involved because of this stunningly gorgeous guy who was papering cars at LAX airport. He stopped me outside my Mini, I saw how Aryan and bizarre and hot he was, the rest is…my inexplicable six month absence.

Actually, the truth is I kept meaning to post, but got too busy with other stuff (The Office starting up again,  the Emmys, a very short incarceration) and then the passage of time built up an enormous pressure, like “oh shit, when I finally DO post it better be about amazing, not about some stupid hand soap I bought that I liked a lot”. But then I was like, “who even reads this bullshit anyway, I’ll do what I want”, and then I forgot about it for a few weeks and now i’m posting again. Wasn’t that an interesting journey to read about? I think it was.

So yeah, this hand soap I love:

When I was a kid my mom would make us use Listerine and we would like, cry. I know it kills bacteria and almost always after I use it, I’m happy, but honestly, it’s too much pain. My diabetic friend says gargling Listerine hurts more than taking a daily insulin shot, so there guys, there’s proof I’m not just being a theatrical wuss. Intense clean-y feeling should exist outside the epidermis, I believe, where it can handled. That’s why I’m super into this Bigelow Mentha Tingling hand soap. Not only does it clean the hell out of your hands, it leaves a nice peppermint clean smell that signals to everyone around you that you are clean.

I also like Bigelow Chemists because it was one of those places in the West Village where you were certain something really magical and romantic would happen when you stepped inside. Like you would bump into some handsome young architect and knock over a toothpaste display, and laugh about it flirtatiously over Gershwin music.

Good for: everyone (with a sink)

Price: $10 for a 10 oz bottle

http://www.bigelowchemists.com