Fitted bandage-style dresses are super sexy. Who didn’t love Kate Winslet rocking those snug little Herve Leger dresses all over the place this past awards season? Her body looked insane, and it was like an announcement: “Hey that little weirdo in Heavenly Creatures is kind of a crazy hot blond now.” Go, Clementine Krucyznski!

But unfortunately,  not all of us have K.Win’s - sorry, horrifying that I did that to her name but unavoidable given my personality - “Reader” ca$h or are married to Persian financiers and can drop two grand on a cocktail dress. Plus, the shiny material of a Herve Leger is hot for the red carpet but not for like, going on a date to see Land of the Lost and dark & stormy’s at Cafe des Artistes after or whatever. Your date would think you were weird. And to be honest, a little bit of a ho.

So I was psyched out of my mind to get this bandage-style Charlotte Ronson dress.

I have gotten so much mileage out of this dope little dress. It is so flattering I kind of can’t even deal. When I wore it, my boyfriend said “Whoa, baby.” and lifted me off the ground (n.b. an adorable and mortifying thing for a girl is when her boyfriend picks her up off the ground:  ”oh god oh god are my spanx showing?! am I crushing his spinal column with my weight?!), which I think is a testament to looking pretty fucking fine, if I do say so myself.

It’s fitted but comfortable, has a patent-y belt and defines your waist, and makes all your curves look bangin’, while still maintaining some sophistication because it is in stately navy blue. Like if Kim Kardashian were running for president. What else do I have say, guys? Buy this dress, buy this dress, buy this dress.

Good for: Are you kind of curvy and want to look hot? Duh, you, dummy.

Price: $237 at shopbop.com

Hey guys! I apologize for not posting for a while. I was kidnapped, but it turned out to be a pretty cute situation like “Raising Arizona”, not “Taken”.  Then it turned into one of those Stockholm Syndrome things and I stayed for quite a bit longer on that compound than I imagined. I’m dating the guy who kidnapped me, and I’m writing a long book about it. “From Ransom to Romance: the Kaling Kidnap Story”.

My colorful abduction story isn’t why you came here, though. On to my purchasings!

The problem with where I work is that it the temperature jumps 30 degrees from area to area. As many of you Los Angeles readers will already know, the Valley is ridiculously hot in the summer. Our studio is located in the most industrial and tree-less patch of the Valley known as Panorama City, on a dead-end street with junk yard dogs.  It’s burning hot with no respite. To compensate for this, the writers room and stage are about 50 degrees. Basically it’s like going through menopause all the time. But whatever, it keeps work interesting.

Tank tops aren’t a viable work option because you get too cold inside and you have to wear a hoodie, which is a nightmare when we go outside for lunch unless you like the other writers calling you Pit Stain Patty. Thus, it becomes important every May to invest in about 15 new tshirts to wear all summer.

The thing with buying tees is that you can get hoodwinked big time and end up spending $180 on a single shirt at some boutique. That’s craziness. Even with all my millions and millions in GE stock options I would never spend that kind of money on a t-shirt. In fact, I think the “Guy wearing the $180 tshirt” is a caricature of an LA type that we should all try to avoid. The shrewd thing to do is to identify the tshirts you like early on on bergdorfs.com or shopbop.com, and then wait a few months until they go on sale. That’s what I did with this Marc by Marc Jacobs tshirt I’m wearing above and I don’t get a lot of crap from people for wearing things not fresh-off-the-runway. (That handsome guy to my right is new writer Danny Chun, one of my favorite people. Danny came from the Simpsons and is always telling me about cool bands and stuff, like Hot Chip and Dove. You’ll all like him. I’m sure he’ll be a warehouse guy or something on the show soon enough).

Criteria of course for summer tees is that they have to be machine washable. I’m not spending 15 bucks to dry clean a fucking summer tshirt I wear once every two weeks. (Since I was kidnapped I became ultra thrifty and kind of a potty mouth. Also I say things now like “Who raised you?!” when teenagers swear and things in line at Yogurtland. Basically I’m a salty elderly lady.).

I like bold patterns on tshirts so I can throw on skinny jeans and gold flats and go from work to Date Night without too much trouble. That’s why I dig the line Monrow, which makes totally flattering little tshirts that make statements are are easy to dress up with a leather jacket or a scarf or something. This one has a faux Houndstooth thing going on which makes you look like Gwen Stefani, my favorite person these days. Price $106 shopbop.com 

This next tshirt is a staple you will want to wear every day. On the surface it looks like a boring weird sheer tee. Oh great, you’re thinking. Just what I need, another shirt I bought that I have to buy ANOTHER shirt to wear under it. But this sheer gray tee from Kain is perfect for summer because it looks amazing layered all your old washed-ou looking tanks from other summers. Layered over a pink tank with a chain over it, you look super rock and roll but also like you didn’t even try. It’s a total must-buy. Price: $85 at Bergorfs.com

I love Trina Turk, and it is around the corner from me in Los Angeles. I’m always in there, trying on Trina’s South Beach/Palm Springsy confections and trying on silk headscarves. I picked up this Seaver tshirt kind of last minute one afternoon when I had to go to a barbeque. I don’t even think I tried it on. Since then I’ve gotten so many compliments on it I’ve bought it in another color. That to me is the highest compliment you can pay an item of clothing, because under no circumstances should ANYONE EVER buy anything in another color, there is just TOO MUCH GOOD CLOTHING OUT THERE PEOPLE. The exception of cours being New Balance 991s, which New Balance weirdly discontinued even though me and about a million middle aged white guys wear to run. Price: $128 at trinaturk.com. I’m here modeling it with that guy who kidnapped me. photo taken by Sophia “Herb Ritts” Rossi. Pretty awesome shirt, huh?

Two seasons ago, Marc Jacobs had the most incredible neon accessories. But I don’t shop at Marc Jacobs, with it’s intimidating protruding Melrose/Melrose Place facade and its skinny rocker boys holding the doors open. I shop across the street at Marc by Marc Jacobs, where the atmosphere inside is comforting and creative, like Harvey Milk High.

Neon is the new metallic? Indians are the new Jews? You can waste a lot of your day coming up with “blank is the new blank”s. But since I’m out on script this week and have no one to talk to all day, I can think about it all I want. So yeah, neon is the new metallic. I love the way neon looks. It’s part 80’s all-star and part traffic cone. Either way, it’s totally playful and great.

Jewelry by Tarina Tarantino makes me so excited. It’s like Dylan’s Candy Bar, but you can’t eat any of the stuff here. I’m really feeling these neon pink drop earrings. With a black tshirt and jeans and boots, this is a great first date outfit.

This neon green Daftbird tshirt looks great over jeans too, and sneakers. No one would not look hot in this ultra-flattering cut shirt.

People are going to really hate on these but I love these Kill City neon jeans. Maybe they’re only wearable if you’re MIA and you’re shooting a music video, but I do love them a great deal.

Indian is the new Jew, by the way. “Wait, can you even SAY Jew, Mindy? You’re not Jewish!” The answer, hm, not really. But I’m PUSHING THE ENVELOPE YOU GUYS. Edgy. Today you read some really edgy stuff here on my blog.

Love, Mindy

Good for: Neon is great for people who were too young to buy neon in the 80’s because their parents thought it was a frivolous waste of money. And also, people are wander around late at night.

Jeans available for $50 at urbanoutfitters.com, Tarina earrings at zappos.com for $73, and daftbird tee  $52 at revolveclothing.com